All In

All In
By: Dave Palcsak

I spent many hours searching for Truth before I surrendered my life to Christ about 8 years ago. I studied science, philosophy and many other religions, including naturalism. I can honestly say that I gave Christianity’s “competition” a fair shot. So at this point in my ongoing journey, I have no interest in secular literature and I doubt this will ever change. Fortunately, there is a wealth of outstanding Christian reading material available to me.

It struck me recently, there is a common and completely understandable thread throughout the stories, testimonies and witnessing contained in the inspired books that I’ve been reading and enjoying. What I’ve realized is that the writers and significant characters are all removed from their respective wilderness trials. Yes, their trials are part of every tale, indeed, an integral part. 1st Peter 1:6 says, in this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials.

As I was reading Bruce Marchiano’s compelling book “In the Footsteps of Jesus”, I became troubled. This is no reflection on Mr. Marchiano’s “Footsteps”. It’s an awesome read and I highly recommend it.

To best explain the source of my anxiety, I need to talk about a recent Bible study. We were in a book called “Disciplines of Godly Men”; the gentleman leading the study was going around the room asking different men a variety of questions. When he came to me, he asked this: How do you achieve excellence in every day life? I don’t recall my specific answer but it was standard party line stuff…put God first in everything, so on and so forth. As soon as I spoke, it hit me. I was full of it, and I don’t mean the Spirit. I felt I needed to apologize because I was embarrassed by how far I miss excellence every day and that I was babbling about achieving something I hadn’t. I realized I was being deceptive. Not about what I was doing but about how well I was doing it. Because I was the last person to speak that day I would wait until the next Bible study before apologizing.

That said, I do try to follow the Lord and I think I am where the Lord wants me to be. But what I’m doing; I have no gifting for and what’s worse, I’m not very good at it and without the Lord, I would be an unmitigated disaster. In fact, I wouldn’t even be here. I’m thankful that I’m being obedient, to some extent, but trust me, and I’m not being flippant here, it’s only by His grace I’m able to reach mediocrity.

Part of my struggles (a big part) have been due to my perception that I am miscast. I thought to myself, this really couldn’t be where I’m supposed to be. I need something BIG! This thankless, no glory drudgery is way below my spiritual pay grade. I should be out saving the world, you know, things like that.

Without being fully conscience of it, I was annoyed at God because He wasn’t using me the right way. So now, I have to try and not beat myself up, too much, for imagining that I know better than He does. The short of it is, I’m still in my wilderness. It took longer than it should have (with my thick skull) to see that where I am is where I need to be. Perhaps the wilderness part of my walk will never fully end, if so, that’s ok. It sure beats the alternative.

I know the alternative because I’m not that far removed from it. You see, not long ago, I was an agnostic. In short: maybe there is a God, maybe there isn’t. But I was fooling myself because it wasn’t really that I didn’t know, it was more like I created my own god. And let me tell you, anything I did was well and good with the god of my making. I was spectacularly awesome and folks who had issues with me were always in the wrong because hey, the alternative was that I was wrong and I knew that couldn’t be. What’s more, my god knew it too. That’s a dangerous attitude and a very bad place to be.

As a Christian, my perspective, in most every way, is 180 degrees from where it used to be. For a non believer, it would seem counter intuitive to understand that seeing your own flaws, clearly, is a good thing but I’m pretty sure believers would agree with it. Without a doubt I know I’m a much better person now than the old me was…even though I was the epitome of cool (a legend in my own mind).

John 6:67-68 says; then Jesus said to the twelve, do you also want to go away? But Simon Peter answered Him, Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. I want to point out Peter’s response because, no matter where any of us are; we need to always be of the same mind as Peter. Don’t turn to the right or left. All in means all in and we need to revel in that. This walk is not easy but it truly is the only way. Trust God and understand that what He has for you is what you need.

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